my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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