More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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