I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
