I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
