chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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