He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
