honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
