That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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