she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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