she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
