I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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