When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
