Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
