I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
