I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
