So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
