I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize