I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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