I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
