What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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