you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And then my night got REAL pukey
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize