last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
