my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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