I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
