i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
