it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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