it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
