so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
