From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
