Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
