Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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