i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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