Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You need a sexual gate keeper
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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