i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
