Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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