where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
