Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
