my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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