bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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