I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize