her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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