my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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