I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i think i just lost a toe
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
