you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The Olympian is in my bed
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
