You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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