i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
