Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
