I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she woke up with a sticky ear
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
