Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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