he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize