You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ketchup is God's man juice
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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