Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
