I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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