She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
