So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
