arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
