matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
