i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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