I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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