i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
