i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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