Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
