I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
