just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
