Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
