So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
